Famous Blue Raincoat 5:10 Leonard Cohen The Best Of Rock 2 6/9/09 12:06 PM

Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) 5:15 Arcade Fire Funeral Alternative 2 6/9/09 12:11 PM

The Killing Moon 5:47 Echo and the Bunnymen Soundtrack 9 6/9/09 12:17 PM

The Sick Bed Of Cuchulainn 2:59 The Pogues Rum Sodomy & the Lash 1 6/9/09 12:20 PM

Banquet 3:21 Bloc Party Silent Alarm Indie 14 6/9/09 12:23 PM

Sand And Foam 3:20 Donovan Troubadour: The Definitive Collection 1964-1976 [Disc 1] Rock 3 6/9/09 12:26 PM

Fitzcarraldo 6:09 The Frames Fitzcarraldo Alternative 13 3/15/09 2:07 PM

Eli, The Barrow Boy 3:11 The Decemberists Picaresque Indie

O’ Sailor 5:36 Fiona Apple Extraordinary Machine Rock

Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! 29:59 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! 20 2 2/8/09 3:01 PM

For Reasons Unknown 3:32 The Killers Sam’s Town Rock 15 6/9/09 11:35 AM

NYC 4:20 Interpol Turn On The Bright Lights Alternative & Punk 8 3/11/09 12:55 PM

Stop Me 3:58 Mark Ronson Feat. Daniel Merriweather Version Electronica/Dance 14 3/11/09 12:33 PM

Digging In The Dirt 5:18 Peter Gabriel Us Rock 1 6/9/09 11:55 AM

Obstacle 1 4:11 Interpol Turn On The Bright Lights Alternative & Punk 21 6/9/09 11:46 AM

The Stars Are Underground 3:11 The Frames Dance The Devil… Alternative & Punk 4 8/10/08 1:00 PM

The Sun Also Sets 4:11 Ryan Adams Easy Tiger Country 4 6/9/09 11:31 AM

Blue In The Face 3:02 Alkaline Trio Good Mourning Alternative & Punk 16 6/9/09 11:58 AM

No I in Threesome 3:55 Interpol Our Love To Admire 9 3/11/09 12:37 PM

(Nothing But) Flowers 5:32 Talking Heads Sand in the Vaseline Rock 1

Sisters Of Mercy 3:36 Leonard Cohen The Best Of Rock 1 3/29/08 9:20 AM

She Runs Away 3:44 Duncan Sheik Duncan Sheik Pop 1 3/15/09 2:11 PM

So Long, Marianne 5:41 Leonard Cohen The Best Of Rock

Cold Water 4:59 Damien Rice O Rock 4 3/11/09 12:29 PM

Since I Told You It’s Over 4:43 Stereophonics You Gotta Go There To Come Back Alternative & Punk 11 3/13/09 1:57 PM

Star Star** 3:58 The Frames Dance The Devil… Alternative & Punk 6 3/11/09 12:08 PM

Say it to Me Now 2:35 Glen Hansard Once Original Soundtrack Soundtrack 4 6/9/09 12:00 PM

Hunting For Witches 3:31 Bloc Party A Weekend In The City Alternative & Punk 17 6/9/09 11:38 AM

Invincible 5:00 Muse Black Holes and Revelations Rock 20 1/17/09 11:04 AM

Dashboard 4:08 Modest Mouse We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank Alternative & Punk 6 3/11/09 12:51 PM

I Know 4:56 Fiona Apple When The Pawn… Alternative & Punk 4 3/11/09 12:47 PM

Two-Headed Boy 4:26 Neutral Milk Hotel In The Aeroplane Over The Sea Alternative & Punk 1 3/13/09 3:17 PM

Twist The Knife 2:34 Neko Case Furnace Room Lullaby Country

Munich 3:46 Editors The Back Room Indie 8 6/9/09 11:42 AM

Happiness Runs 3:28 Donovan Troubadour: The Definitive Collection 1964-1976 [Disc 2] Rock

Pioneer to the Falls 5:46 Interpol Our Love To Admire 7 3/11/09 12:24 PM

Next year, I will again be teaching (or trying to) 10th and 11th graders, while watching my favorite students, who I’ve taught for the past two years, move on to AP Lit. It is not a happy day. My C and D students are being set up for failure, all in the name of a school grade.

It’s enought to make you lose hope.

I had a dream last night that I gave birth. Apparently, there was something wrong with the baby, and it didn’t make it. The nurses covered for this mistake by giving me a different baby- a cabbage patch doll. Later, the cabbage patch doll turned into a beautiful baby boy with red hair and green eyes- “after his mother,” my husband said in his brief cameo.
When I woke I had a terrible desire for a baby and a wonderful terror for cabbage patch dolls.

Overheard in the classroom:

“Who’s Robert Frost? Is he somebody?”

After a discussion about the three year drought and water restrictions:
“But didn’t it rain last week?”

“How can a diary be a firsthand account? Someone had to copy it.”

Undoubtedly, my life is running in circles.  Weight up, weight down.  Happy, sad.  Content, restless.  I’m certainly restless right now.  I have no idea what I am going to do for the rest of my life and it is truly frightening.  

Friendships are something else that wax and wane for me.  I have the few honest, loyal friends, and then I have the ones who I think are loyal and honest, only to wake up one day to realize that they really don’t give two shits about anything I do, think, or say.   The ones who forget to involve me in their plans, and only hang out with me when it’s convenient for them.  It’s frustrating because part of me wants to believe that they don’t realize that they’re acting like snots, but part of me thinks that they really don’t care.  I was raised to be considerate of others, and to never talk about plans in front of someone who wasn’t invited, but apparently not everyone got that speech when they were growing up.

The sad truth is that nothing is where I want it to be, and it looks like it will be ages before I can finally make something happen.

In the past month, I’ve been to the doctor more times than I can ever remember going in my entire life. I’ve had blood samples taken and tested four times, with a CAT scan scheduled for next month…. And I can’t help but wonder- how would a $5000 healthcare credit pay for all that?

This year has been interesting for a myriad of reasons.  First, I realized that I really don’t want to teach for the rest of my life.  There’s nothing wrong with the kids, nothing wrong with the staff… I’ve just come to the conclusion that it’s not for me.  I’ve found that I’ve been staying out a lot more and caring about work a lot less.  I’ve dived head-first into extracurriculars so that I could truly enjoy myself and distract myself from that empty, unfulfilled feeling I get at work.

As I’m writing this, I’m sitting at my computer while my students take their exams.  Most of them are working hard, which is nice to see; they’ll do well.  The others… well, there’s really nothing to be done about that.  A kid just asked to go to the bathroom and two seconds later asked to get some water.  Anything to get out of the classroom.

I’ve started the process to begin my PhD.  First step: acceptance.  Everyone is reassuring me that I’ll get in easily, but it’s no false modesty when I say I’m not so sure.

I think one of the most telling points is that I care far more about baseball right now than about my job.  The Tampa Bay Rays are fighting for the World Series, and that’s amazing to me.  If you knew me a year ago you would laugh to think about me as a baseball fan.  There’s just something amazing about this team that makes you want to love them.  Plus, I think Rocco Baldelli is just beatiful.

I sponsor a group at my school for Schools for Schools, a division of Invisible Children.  We are currently collecting donations for Awere Secondary School in Uganda.  If you feel generous, you can donate to our chapter through our school’s website.  Anything is appreciated.

Teaching over the years (all three of them) has allowed me to get paid for one of my favorite hobbies – people watching.  So, without further ado, I bring you the most interesting species of the modern teenager.

1. The Over-Sharer

    This is the kid who is in your class for less than a week before they start telling you about their home-life, their sex life, their drug use, basically anything you JUST DON’T WANT TO KNOW.  Typically, these conversations are not initiated by either party, nor are they even conversations.  You will be standing at the door of your classroom welcoming your students, when little Suzy bounces up and tells you that her boyfriend got arrested for statutory rape.  You stare, wide-eyed, as she relates the tale, and then hops back to her seat without so much as a pause for reaction.  Your reaction doesn’t matter.  She just wants everyone to know.

2. The Kid Who Thinks He’s Different Because He Listens to ICP.

   I get one of these in every single class, without fail.  They think that they’re hard-core, that they’re scary, that everyone thinks that he or she is mysterious because they are “juggalos.”  One of the joys of my life is the look on their faces when they realize that not only do I know who ICP are, I also know that they are far from anything to be scared of.  I wonder if these kids, like so many I knew in high school, will eventually grow out of the ICP phase and actually listen to decent music.  More than likely, they will end up like those guys who still have the Hatchetman logo on their cars at the age of 30.

4. The One You Totally Misread

    Teachers judge students.  We all know it happens.  The unfortunate part is that most of the time, we’re right, be it from self-fulfilling prophecy or whatever.  But once in a while, you get a student who you had totally pegged for a bad, lazy kid, who turns out to really be misunderstood.  Not misunderstood in a Hallmark “oh, you thought I was a bad kid cuz I’m black” way, but in a very real way, when you realize that they’re not lazy, they need help.  They’re not mean, they’re bullied.  They’re not hopeless, they just needed the encouragement.  What breaks my heart is to see these kids out in the hallways getting written up on referrals because the teacher couldn’t figure out how to deal with them.

4. The “Mr. So-and-So Let Us Do It” 

    When someone asks you if they can break the rules, and you say no, it is inevitable that someone will pipe up and say that another teacher let them do it – eat in class, listen to ipods, text, whatever.  And the truth is that most of the time, they aren’t lying.  Hell, I share my room with a guy who lets the kids eat candy and chips and they leave their goddamn wrappers and candy bits all over the floor and it DRIVES ME NUTS.   Does that mean that I’m going to start letting them do it?  Hell no.